Breathing furniture

Ok, loners, Keigo Harada has invented a bed that'll let you enjoy one of the primary benefits of a partner whilst avoiding all the pitfalls of having to actually put up with another human. The Breathing Furniture can play the comforting role of your breathing S.O. with its surface that rises and falls just like a respirating fleshbot. One version works on motor and gears, while the "quiet" version uses an air pump. Sixteen out of 16 babies surveyed agreed that this is the bees knees in achieving rapid REM, so y'all insomniacs better hope Keigo gets this thing commercialized, stat.